By: John Kevitz
Published: Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Is the true meaning of friendship becoming lost? Has the meaning and the depth of friendship between two people been reduced to dinner parties and get-togethers? Has friendship been placed on the same level of what used to be called an acquaintance? Do we still understand what friendship is supposed to be about and the benefits of life long ties with someone?
In this new cultural age of digital friendships like on Facebook and Twitter, friendships are becoming little more than ego boosts. Friendship is being reduced to how many friends you have on Facebook or how many followers you have on Twitter. People have become so consumed with public status and how they are perceived, that less and less people look for true friendships that represent things such as: loyalty, trust, consideration, self-sacrifice, honesty, protection, safety, security, commitment, and integrity.
Like so many other things that have lost their meaning or substance, friendship has become more self-centered by nature, than self-sacrificing with meaning.
A former close friend of mine, whom I greatly respected, told me—if I was to be his friend, he expected certain goals for me to achieve in order to maintain our friendship. Hearing my friendship with him being reduced to my goals in life was quite an eye opener for me. I had never been anything but sincere towards this person, and my intention was always for the betterment of our friendship. In that brief moment I realized, my definition of friendship was greatly different from his. In that moment, his idea of friendship was self-centered and not self-sacrificing. Back when this happened, I realized it was time to move on. It seems nowadays that this self-centered friendship mentality dominates the ideals of a truly genuine friendship.
Most people these days want friends, who help, listen, love, and are sympathetic to them without giving the same in return. This is a selfish, self-centered friendship, and is often only one-sided. Generally, these types of people remain lonely or lonesome and wonder why? They can have what they call “friends” in plenty, but somehow they still seem to find themselves feeling lonely or lonesome with all of their “friends” in their life.
Jesus explained Godly friendship in John 15:13 – Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (KJV) Jesus laid down His life for us, and He is God. Jesus didn’t have to sacrifice Himself for us. But He loved us so much, He died for us. Now that is what I call a true friend.
Jesus called us friends, even though He had every right to call us servants. John 15:15 – Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. (KJV)
Do you have a friend or friends that would lay down their life for you? Ask yourself if anyone you call a friend, would lay down his or her life for you? If you do, then you are a very blessed person. If you do have a friend that would die for you, would you be willing to lay down your life for that friend as well? Are you blessed enough to have that kind of strong and true friendship with someone? If not, why not? If a person is blessed to have even one friend such as this, that is a truly blessed individual. Ask yourself; are you a blessing to a friend in this regard? Are you that self-sacrificing of a friend to someone else?
In today’s culture most people are unwilling to sacrifice even the simplest of things to have the type of friendship that Jesus has shown us. The type of friendship that was shown to us by Jesus takes work, commitment, time, and obviously sacrifice. For us to gain the rewards of that kind of friendship, we must be willing to accept the costs it takes for a friendship like that to occur. We live in a “me first” culture, and because of that, we are losing one of God’s greatest gifts to us in real friendship.
Sacrifices that must occur in order to have true friendship are our: personal convenience, time, intimacy, comfort, prayer, and love. All of these sacrifices are mandatory to have a lifelong lasting bond with someone. I will explore each sacrifice or cost in more depth in the near future.
The following verse has been attributed to weddings and romantic love, but it’s more of a description of what love should be in general and can be applied to a multitude of different relationships, particularly friendships. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 — 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (NIV)
The above verse clearly shows us what real or true friendship is supposed to be like. Verse eight also reminds us that the only thing that will last for eternity is love. Prophecies will end, spoken words will end, all knowledge will end and pass away, but LOVE, the cornerstone of a Godly friendship will last forever.
All the sacrifices and energies we spend on our own pride, ego, boasting, self-centeredness, stubbornness, non-forgiveness, and knowledge mean nothing compared to love in friendship that lasts an eternity.
In an age of digital friends and a fading understanding of what real friendship is, it’s just another portion of our human bond that is progressively suffering. Friendship has been reduced to dinner parties, hanging out, “like buttons” on Facebook, following Twitter feeds and short brief comments on someone’s internet post. Whether it’s the internet, dinner-parties or just acquaintances you call “friends”, the list could go on and on. The importance of genuine, self-sacrificing friendship is slowly being extinguished from our culture and the human condition.
If people don’t recognize the loss of what true and fundamental friendship really is, then the intimacy once regarded as sacred and necessary for human-beings to thrive and grow will continue to slowly diminish.
© John Kevitz 2016
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